Underwear

Posted on June 25, 2009

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Dear Mr.Hinton,

We thought it was clear in our last communication, that you would cease all publications on your “blog.” As previously discussed, you were to change the name of your blog or delete it altogether. Since our last meeting, you have done neither. As you know, Steinfeld’s Ltd is planning to release their new line, “Metazen” un-shrinkable, secure-fit underwear later this summer and we feel that the loutish nature of your writing will damage the Metazen brand. Should you not adhere to the requests agreed upon, we will have no choice but to contact our lawyers.

Sincerely,

Grace Lahey,
Brand Manager
Steinfeld’s Limited

Dear Grace,

When I was young my grandfather used to pour two cups of tea, one for him and one for me. He would look over the rust colored drink and let the steam crawl on his face.
“You can hear the future from a cup of tea,” he would say and put his ear to the cup. I would sit and watch as faint fingers of steam curled into his ears.
“Ahh, I see,” he would say. He would listen for a very long time. “When you boil dried leaves you release all of their precious stories.” One time he told me of a Hindi boy named Jaj who lived in Mumbai and harvested tea leaves with only one arm and one eye.

My grandfather wore Steinfeld’s underwear every day of his life. As he grew older, he transitioned from briefs to Depends. Enclosed are all of his remaining pairs of Steinfeld’s underwear. As you can see, they were well worn. I trust my letter is full of as much shit as yours.

Sincerely,

Frank Hinton

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Posted in: June 2009