Tuna Fish

Posted on May 20, 2009


Oh, I came from a glass of milk, two slices of bread, canned tuna fish, and some mayonnaise,” Gelvy replied so nonchalantly that it sounded like it was the most simplistic fact of her life.

Duncan sat up and scratched his head. 

How’d you come from all those?” he asked.

Well, the cow made the milk and the tuna came from the sea. The bread and mayo came from a factory, I guess. But my father bought em all from the grocery store, so I guess you could even say I come from there.”

Sounds crazy to me,” he grumbled. Talking had been a bad idea after all.

Well with that thing in your arms you look like you subscribe to a little craziness yourself, fellah.” Duncan said nothing.

When is the moment someone’s born?” Gelvy went on, “You think it’s when you shoot out of your momma’s legs? You think it’s when you break into her egg? Or maybe you could even say it’s when you swim out from your dad’s dingy,eh? You can even go back farther. I like to . I like to go back to the sandwich my father had for lunch.”

He made a big tuna-fish sandwich the afternoon before he bedded my ma. He remembers the day perfect as pie, that’s how I know all this. Anywhoo, all those vitamins, nutrients and proteins from the sandwich n’ milk went into his little factory of a body and produced all kinds of things in side. You know how biology and stuff works, right? Well, for my sake, out of that meal he made the little white tadpole that would grow into your cab driver.

I shot outta his crotch in a million-man race and wouldn’t you know it- won the first race of my life! I guess every person wins that race. I like to think about that too; winning a race against millions n’ millions. With death for every loser and life for the winner. You ever think about that? Kinda makes our ride a little trivial eh?”

The sense and absurdity of her speech crashed like waves upon one another. Duncan just nodded at her mouth’s reflection in the mirror and gazed lovingly upon his package.

I don’t think like that,” he said, “I think I was born from my mother.” The word flew between them like a poorly folded paper airplane.

Yeah, well, I don’t see it that way. The woman I slid out of was a complete bitch. Never treated me like any creation of hers. I think my way is truer. I can go back father and farther to better makers than her.”

Posted in: May 2009