“How was your day?” asked Lili. “I went to see my therapist, Bradbury,” I said. “And?” *** “Tonight, the insect population is not happy with me,” I told Bradbury. “To them I am the devil.” “The devil?” he asked. “Earlier today I crept outside and knelt before a kingdom of ants on the north-eastern border… [Read more…]
July 22, 2009
Operator: You have reached the Writers In Crisis Hot-line. If you are a fiction writer, press one. If you are a non-fiction writer, press two. If you write poems, press one. If you write prose, press two. If you write short stories, press one. If you write longer works of fiction, press two. If you… [Read more…]
July 13, 2009
2:11:22 PM Tim-Job: Yes, but you still should have asked me if you wanted to write me into your story. 2:12:16 PM Frank Sauce: I feel like that would have ruined the fabric of the story. It would have felt fake. 2:15:15 PM Tim-Job: It’s a fictional story. 2:16:43 PM Frank Sauce: So, I’m sorry.… [Read more…]
July 9, 2009
TO DO LIST: - find therapist - clean bathroom - read chapter of novel - buy coffee - write decent blog post “Hi, I’m calling about uh, trying to find a therapist.” “Yes sir, I think we can help you.” “I’m looking for someone to talk to.” “What is the nature of your problems.” “I… [Read more…]
July 6, 2009
THE SOUND OF A PHONE BEING ANSWERED AFTER MANY RINGS… Kendra: Motivational Urge Support Enterprises, my name is Kendra how may I help you? Frank: Ah, hi, yes. I was just calling about your service, the muse service you provide. I read about it in the paper. Kendra: Yes, miss, what would you like to… [Read more…]
July 1, 2009
Dear Mrs.Hinton, My name is Andrew Aston and I am a grade 6 student living in Edmonton Alberta. I have failed grade 6 this year and if I am going to grade 7 I need to complete a short story for summer school. When I Googled “this sucks”, your website was the first on the… [Read more…]
June 25, 2009
Dear Mr.Hinton, We thought it was clear in our last communication, that you would cease all publications on your “blog.” As previously discussed, you were to change the name of your blog or delete it altogether. Since our last meeting, you have done neither. As you know, Steinfeld’s Ltd is planning to release their new… [Read more…]
June 1, 2009
It was cold and windy and my hair was blowing out of place, but it didn’t matter because every sensation was welcomed. Everything was new to me, and all of the angst and hatred I had in me seemed to have evaporated throughout the night. I looked at the people around me with fresh eyes,… [Read more…]
May 28, 2009
I TAKE THE ORANGE BOX FROM THE PANTY DRAWER and gently slide off the cover. Inside is a small note written on a blue, heart-shaped post it note. “You Found Me!” It says. “One pill will make you grow bigger and one will make you grow smaller. LoL. I’m not saying which is which, and… [Read more…]
May 28, 2009
I TOSS THE harmonica on the floor and go to the fridge. I pull out a bottle of wine that has been corked not with a cork but with a baby carrot. I yank the baby carrot from the bottle and take a painful swig of the wine. “Piss berries,” I say, my face all… [Read more…]
July 27, 2009
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